A very personal goal

Today was a very special day for me, one that gives great joy and also hope for a new beginning. A new chapter in my life. A very personal one that will lead me to getting closer to a very personal goal. Today Shaklee Corporation announced their new team of bloggers that will share with the world their progress in weight loss. Team #Cinchspiration is the name of the team and I... I am one of the members!

It brings me great joy, hope, excitement and at the very same time I am nervous and afraid. You might ask how losing weight can bring all these emotions when what would matter the most is being healthy. Let me share with you in a more personal way why this is important to me and why I feel the way I do.

Losing weight is not an easy task for me, for the past two years I have been struggling with finding my motivation. Finding my will power, even with my husband losing all his weight and being healthy I still struggle with my own choices in food. I eat when I am sad, frustrated, mad, upset and I also eat when I am happy, when I am at peace. I like food, I like eating ice cream when it is hot. I like eating potato chips when we are traveling on the road. Food is everywhere for me. I am not always eating fatty foods, I also enjoy fruits and vegetables but I didn't reach the weight I am at  today by eating fruits and vegetables. I am at 242 pounds because of my poor food choices. 

Twelve years ago I was graduating from University, wearing a comfortable size 8 and sometimes even a size 6. I was preparing myself for a big change in my life: moving out of my parents home. 

I was ready to start my new life in San Diego and ready to take on the world. Armed with a degree and an awesome job in Corporate America and soon to be engaged. 

I had it all.

I felt comfortable in my own body.

I felt confident of what I was capable of doing and how much success I would have.

I moved into the home of family friends and even though there was a full size kitchen which I could use, I very rarely used it. I was experiencing making my own choices. Deciding what to do, where to go, what to eat.

My choice? 

Fast food! I have a love for burgers, fries, shakes, pizza, tacos and more. 

Eating out was something I did twice and even three times a day!

My poor meal choices were soon noticed as my jeans wouldn't go beyond my thighs within 4 months of this move. Our wedding was being planned and so off to the Dietitian I went, I did lose some weight but now I was a comfortable size 14. I didn't worry much for my wedding dress, it was tailored made. From choosing the design to the material the dress was made to fit me not the other way around.

However when we were two weeks away from the big day, I remember deciding that morning that enough was enough so I went on a Papaya and greens diet losing some of the extra weight and wearing my wedding gown loosely at the ceremony. So much so that in our wedding pictures my husband had to pull the dress in my back so it looked fitted. 

Fast forward to January 2005 when I found out I was pregnant with our first child and  "all bets were off". No more junk food, no more oily/greasy food, no more fast food. I ate as much fruit and vegetables as I could and would get nauseous at the sight or smell of my beloved burgers and pizza. I didn't have cravings, I had food aversions. Over the course of this pregnancy I lost a total of 35 pounds! I was eating healthier than ever, drinking water and avoiding carbs and grease. I continued to loose some weight but slowly returned to my pre-pregnancy weight and then some. The same happened with my second pregnancy, again I ate as healthy as possible losing 30 pounds over the course of the pregnancy. A couple of months after I was at it again, carbs, grease, junk food.

Today I am at the heaviest weight I have ever been and sad about it. I still am as active as I can with my kids, we ride bikes, go for walks, run, swim. I do know that the weight pulls me down, sometimes makes it double as hard for me to be as active as I'd like other times I completely forget about it and do my own thing. 

For the longest time I didn't know what my body looked like, we didn't have a full size mirror in our bedroom. So when I did go into our kids room I wouldn't look at myself in the mirror, so denial is the word that comes to mind. I would only get to see my face, neckline and down to my elbows yet I still didn't see how overweight I was.

When we moved a couple of weeks ago, I was feeling sad, frustrated, depressed and sometimes very emotional even moody. Why? oh Why did I feel like that when I was happy for our change? Turns out we now have a mirror, a full size mirror that allows me to see my complete body how it is. 

Not the best image I've seen of myself, my thighs are large so much so that they rub against each other when I walk. Running is out the question as it turns into jogging.

Shopping for clothes is not appealing to me, it is actually depressing and frustrating. Yes there are clothes for "plus sized" women, however I stand at 5'1 tall. My legs are short and so is my torso so when I shop for tops most of the time they are too large for me. My shoulders don't align with the "plus sized" tops seams. Pants? well that is a whole other story, they always need to be hemmed because they are a couple of inches too long. If I get petite they look odd.

To be able to just walk by any store and say: "I like that top/pant/skirt" and to just walk in and purchase it would be uncharted territory for me for the past twelve years....

So today, I'd like to thank Shaklee Corporation for giving me this opportunity, new hope and helping to boost my confidence. Having a great support system is important and I am happy to say that since I shared the news with family and friends they are all being very supportive and I am very grateful for that.

Follow my journey as I prepare to loose my unhealthy habits and re-learn to make healthier choices. Follow me and Team #Cinchspiration as we support each other and loose weight and enjoy healthier lives.

Our progress will be documented on Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest  so make sure you "like" and "follow" all of the social media platforms mentioned to get updates. Follow hashtag #Cinchspiration too.

And don't forget to check back here on my blog for pictures and my progress.  

Here's to a new chapter, to getting healthier and being more active! 

This is a sponsored post as part of the Shaklee Corporation’s Team #Cinchspiration Campaign. I have received free products, online support and incentives for participating. All opinions are and photographs my own. Results and experiences are unique for each person, so results may vary. People following the weight  loss portion of Shaklee 180 can expect to lose 1-2 pounds a week.